


Since When? (DanIsNotOnFire angst)

by SJWrites



Series: // Fantastic Foursome // One Shots // [6]
Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire (YouTube RPF), Youtube (RPF)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Crying, F/M, Happy Ending, Reader Insert, Sadness, dan is mad, fight, youre mad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJWrites/pseuds/SJWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is angry, you're angry, and you find out something that... May have prevented you from asking that dude on your floor to your house for tea. </p><p>((random Dan angst I wrote))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Since When?

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I dunno what this is. Crap? Probably. It's late, like one AM and I got bored. I've got a PJxSJ I'll probably post tomorrow. (Coz I am making my shameless self insert a habitual thing.))
> 
> LANGUAGE WARNING.

It started out small, really. 

Or maybe it started out big.  

Or, or maybe it started out small and got big. 

Who knows. You and Dan... Have never really fought. But, then again, you've never really been together, either.  

Well, _officially_. 

You did all the usually couple stuff, like cuddling and kissing. But he never took you on dates... Or actually, well, asked you on one. He invited you over a lot... But never asked you to stay the night. He never asked you to be his. 

So why the _hell_ is he so pissed? 

You don't understand him, angrily pacing his sitting room while you sit, awkwardly, next to Phil. 

(Who's slurping tea and reading, trying to avoid eye contact with his snarling roommate.)

Dan has his hands threaded through his hair and his chest is heaving. His eyes burn with rage, as do yours. 

 Like, why is he mad? 

Thirty minutes ago he slammed into your flat and ruined a perfectly good date with Dalton, a man who worked on your floor. 

It was going well, until a certain raving **lunatic** busted in and kicked the surprised blond out, shouting words and phrases that would have made a sailor blush. 

"What were you doing with him?" Dan finally speaks, his voice low. Phil takes an audible challenge to your stubbornness as his cue to leave, which he does. 

You shrug sarcastically, "I was having a date with someone I fancy." 

Dan's eyes flare once more. "He's a _dick_. And you're horrible for going on a date with him."

Your eyes flare, this time, as your muscles tense from your quick transition from sitting to standing. 

"No, _you're_ a dick. And you're horrible," You snap, "Randomly coming into my home, kicking my guest out and then forcing me to your flat! Who the _**fuck**_ does that?!" 

You're shouting by the end, but you don't care. It's been months. 

Months of this stupid faux couple shit, months of Phil telling you no, Dan really does like you, he's just a shy lad and months of a rejecting Dalton, a capable, attractive young fellow only six years your senior. 

"I'll tell you who does that!" Dan shouts back, just as loud as you, "Your fucking _boyfriend_ does that!" 

You bite out a bitter laugh, only feeling immense guilt when Dan looks hurt. 

"I don't have a boyfriend. In case you don't remember, you just stormed in on my one chance to actually have a date for once in my life!" 

Dan's silent for a few moments. "I'm your boyfriend." He says, teeth gritted like he's swallowing bad medicine. 

 _The only bad medicine here,_ you think _, is that fucking lie._

"Since when?" You challenge, jutting your chin out with pride. You are madly in love with Dan, if that doesn't change after today. You remember almost everything about him, almost everything he's said when you've hung out.  

And you know he's never made it official with you. 

Which returns you to the question: _Why is he mad?_ And adds another: _Since when does he think you've been together?_

"Since you fucking asked me to be." He replies back. His chest is heaving like he ran a marathon, but you know him well enough that the rapidly rising and falling chest paired with hyperactive hands is a sign he's going to cry. 

"I never asked you to be my boyfriend. Just like you never asked me to be your girlfriend. We've never even been on a fucking date, Dan." You have to point it out, much calmer now, because that's what hurts the most. 

He's never taken you out and shown you off. 

Not that you particularly want to be mauled by his fans, but it would be nice to go through a McDonald's drive through and sit in the parking lot. Just to know he wants to take you out, to spend time with you that's not just.... Some fuck free friends with benefits. 

"Yes, you did." He says, voice still shaking, but much softer. He storms from the room and you tangle your fingers in your hair, kicking the end table. 

Dan comes in only moments later and throws an envelope at you, "I never fucking took you out because you said you were scared. I'm going out for a drink with Chris and PJ. Be gone by the time I get back." 

Dan can't meet your eyes, his own wet with sadness and betrayal, and he turns and slams out of his flat. 

Shakily, stunned, you look down at the envelope and everything clicks into place.   
In your handwriting is his full name, below that is a line of white out, which originally read: **A Letter I'll Never Send.**  

Your stomach drops to your ass as you remember that particular uni assignment: write a letter to someone you love, asking them something you don't have the courage to, confession something you would never say out loud and tell them all the things you're scared of. 

Shakily, you turn the envelop over, to the front, and see Dan's address scratched onto it in a penmanship you recognize. As your best friend's. 

You run your thumb over the stamp and realize that, because they hadn't told you they sent it to Dan, nearly six months ago, you had just lost the number one man in your life.   
You shrink to the ground and start crying. You don't stop until you hear Dan enter the flat and then the sitting room, where he wraps his arms around you. Then, you fall into exhaustion's arms. 


	2. A Letter I'll Never Send (Daniel James Howell)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested the letter. Here it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So he were along the line I started writing this as an actual love note and had to tame myself.   
> REMINDER THAT THIS IS A UNI ASSIGNMENT FOR THE READER & THEREFORE NOT GOOD. AND READER IS NERVOUS.

**~~A Letter I'll Never Send;~~ **

_Daniel James Howell;_

_I am scared. I am so scared to write these words. Fuck, I've never even said them out loud. I've typed them. And then erased them. But that's different than writing them._

_Shit._

_Okay._

_I guess I just need to get on with it; I need to confess something to you. But I don't know if I can._

_But, I need to. But I'm shaking and I'm sitting in a lecture hall surrounded by people I don't know._

_Suddenly I know why you stopped perusing law school. Shit, Christ. Even in writing, somehow I mess up. I still stutter, even though it would be easy to erase._

_Okay. I am gonna write it._

_Dan, I think I want you to be my boyfriend. I think I want to date you. But I am so scared._

_I'm scared of your fans. Your friends. What if they don't like me? What if they hate me? I know Peej and Phil and Chris don't hate me, maybe they do I don't fucking know, but still._

_I'm so scared, Dan, of what others think. I think if we had a relationship, I wouldn't want anyone told until I'm ready. A n y o n e._

_But, whatever, right? It's not like that's going to happen. I'll always be here, you'll always be there. I'll always love you. I love the crinkles by your eyes when you smile, your smile, your laugh, your sense of human and ever that weird ass anime body pillow you sleep with._

_I love the way you care about making people happy. I love the way your eyes light up when you meet fans. I love the way that you care about Phil. I love the way your videos make me feel; like you really care. Like you're in my bedroom with me._

_Like you're next to me, telling me, that I'm not the only one._

_I love the fact that you're the biggest dork I know. I love the facts you know. I love the jumpers you wear and the subtle way you advertise merch on DanAndPhilGAMES._

_The fact that's you're fucking hot is a plus. I don't even give a shit because you're perfect and you'll always be perfect._

_Shit, okay. I have to go. Will you be my boyfriend? Like, all I really need is like cuddles and kisses  and movie nights. Really. I'm like a plant. Don't need much to thrive._

_Anyways._

_Thats the ticket to getting a boyfriend, innit? Compare yourself to a plant. I really do have to go now, my professor is nagging me._

_Goodbye, Daniel James Howell._


	3. Since Now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up alone, but fall asleep surrounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the end chapter! I hope you guys like it!

You wake up alone and cold on Phil and Dan's couch. 

Phil is sitting next to your feet, munching softly in cereal and staring at the blank TV. 

"Dan is in his room. He told me not to wake you- but he wants to talk to you."

Of course. You close your eyes and sigh, nerves eating your insides and rotting your skin. 

"Good morning to you, too, Philly," You grumble and rise. Joints popping, heart locking up, you make your way slowly to Dan's room. 

"Good morning," He groans, rolling over in bed to face you. He's smiling softly, which brings some relief to your rapidly inflating, deflating, lungs. 

"Mornin'," You reply, tugging nervously on the hem of your shirt. 

"'M still pretty hammered. Come cuddle." Dan grumbles, patting the empty bed next to him. You oblige because, honestly, who would ever miss an opportunity like this?

Cuddling with Dan Howell. Not you, that's who. 

You sink into his bed and then his arms, blushing when his hot skin presses against yours; somehow you forgot Dan sleeps in boxers and nothing else. 

"I'm sorry," Dan says, right before he drifts off. "I love you."

Your heart skips a beat, but your mouth does not. "I love you, too, Dan."

And you fall back to sleep in Dan's arms, once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually so bad but I had writers block so hard for something not sad or not Mark or Jack so yeah here you go.


End file.
